I was called in to provide support to staff who lost a colleague to a fatal heart attack while at work. Because they were being told the news first-hand, it was an incredibly sad and powerfully emotional moment for everyone concerned.
I explained to the first group what to expect when dealing with a traumatic incident (i.e., unexpected emotional and physical reactions). And that they weren’t to be concerned as those were completely natural responses to a very difficult situation.
Taking a brief intermission to get a cup of coffee, I reached inside the fridge to grab a container of milk. While I was opening it, my hand went numb and I dropped it onto the floor.
Of course, milk splattered everywhere, including my suit and shoes (which gave them a milky-white sheen). I couldn’t believe this was happening.
I was suddenly called in to address the next group without time to do more than a quick wipe-down.
I didn’t have time to cry over spilt milk as they were anxiously waiting for me to arrive. When I walked into the room, most of them looked terrified, thinking they were going to be fired.
Thinking quickly, I used my milky makeover experience as an example of the kind of unexpected physical or emotional reactions you can have during and after a traumatic event.
Following are three simple lessons I learned from this experience:
- There’s no use crying over spilt milk. What’s done is done. What is just is. Don’t waste time ruminating over the past as it can’t be changed. But you can learn from this experience for a better future.
- Don’t avoid your emotions, or try to hide what’s happened. Accept what you’re feeling as they’re there for a reason, then move on.
- Direct the incident to something you care about and put your energies there.
The milk incident is a marvelous metaphor for the value of being authentic and honest with yourself and others when you’re in a terrible state. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable helps build, rather than hinder trust that it’s all going to turn out all right.
So there’s no use in crying over the past. Feel it, own it, get on with it.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences you’ve had about this subject.